“we, the toddland magical scientists of fantasy and solutions, are proud to announce that toddland clothing (accessories are still being tested) transfer mere men into famous men. after our exhausting experiments of looking at two (2) images and debating whether the men photographed are in fact wearing toddland AND also famous, we can publish our conditional statement that if one (1) wears toddland, then they are famous. we joyfully provide the two (2) images that were under strict scrutiny.

here we have a photograph of three (3) random men. upon closer deduction (since we ARE scientists), we deduce that these men are tony hawk (famous), mark mothersbaugh (famous), and christian jacob (famous). tony hawk was an average skateboard enthusiast until he dawned the toddland lowie flannel. then he became kind of a big deal with said skateboard. mark mothersbaugh was a man with a beat in his energy domed head. then he wore his specially-made red toddland greatest pants and became the man behind devo, wes anderson soundtracks, mutato founder, and recurring guest star on childrens tv show, yo gabba gabba! last man pictured (left to right), is christian jacobs, who was a fellow that liked to sing. once these toddland greatest pants in green were pulled up (one leg at a time, just like everyone else), he formed the band the aquabats, co-created yo gabba gabba! and can be seen weekly as the mc bat commander on the show the aquabats super show! 

onto exhibit b:

here we have five (5) random males. they were given toddland greatest pants specially made for them and this experiment in white, and those males quickly became the band known as maroon 5 (five). they toured with their musical instruments, and whenever a show landed on a friday, they titled their show “friday night whites” and enveloped themselves in white, including these toddland pants.

thank you for your precious time, dummies.”

from these findings we have find that toddland clothing will two out of two times make you famous, and that toddland scientists are jerks.

i’m gonna go and meet up with my best friend, taylor and my best frenemie, other taylor. it’s gonna be gagagreat! i’ll tell taylor how great she looks and other taylor how great she looks… today. then me and taylor will give each other eye hi-fives and think “madonnaaaaah snap! that was as cold blooded as edward! the vampire! from the movie! not real life, obvz! but since he’s a vampire, it’s like he is dead! so his blood is probz cold.” after that, you can peep us shopping like vicki the robot. why vicki? cuz plastic will be flyin’ everywhere (that’s an 80′s reference, cuz i’m rollin’ like vh1-der woman). and to end the day, we’ll all probz jump up on the train headed straight for hunktown and watch the movie, journey 2: the mysterious island.

now, we may not agree on everything (other taylor thinks nick is the cutest jonas when it’s clear as drake its joe), but there is one babe we can all totes agree on, and he’s staring in this movie! we ALL go baby, baby, baby, oOoOOoohh for luiz guzman! and when you thought he couldn’t get any more ooh la la (i’m totally france!), he’s flossin’ the toddland jungle birds hawaiian shirt! drool!

ok, its like for sure time for me to go! last time i used this many words was when i had to text a teacher my term paper. lolz!

the blog may have been down for a bit, but toddland wasn’t. if your blog tank was on E (empty, not ecstasy. your blog tank should never be at a club and wake up with a stranger and shame), you’re a lucky-ducky because there be a lot of blog delicacies coming your way. so sit back, relax (if you’re already laxed) and let your eyes feast on these upcoming visual candies (sugar-free).

first, toddland might as well be taking classes at greendale with all the times it’s popping up on the show community. abed enveloped himself again in the toddland shreky cardigan on the show’s holiday glee-parody episode.

(abed is the one in the cardigan who is non-black)

and since you’ve been super untrusting after becky dumped you (sorry, since you two decided “she could see other dudes”), toddland has proof  this cardigan shows up on community more than bad djs show up at bat mitzvahs (that’s a thing, right?). children’s book illustrator julieta colás did a series of romancy-fancy drawings based on the cast of community. and what did julieta draw abed in when she thought “what is quintessential abed”? the shreky cardigan! evidence A-23, your honor.

(abed is the one in the cardigan who is non-ovaried)

last, over in skateboarder magazine, there was an article on the occupy wall street movement (or non-movement. their whole thing is not moving. for a long time). chicky-check out the image that occupied (giggle giggle schoolgirl giggle) the article. that’s the toddland kirk sweatshirt front and center.

(occupy wall street! after we occupy urban outfitters!)

what the what?! toddland’s moustache wallet is listed!? that is a delightful surprise and in no way the reason this list is featured on the toddland blog. this must be what people are referring to when they use the term “happy accident”. so click the link, buy moustached goodies and explain to your newly purchased items why their bodies are going through changes.

also, if you want to celebrate movember all year long (as you should. do you only tell your significant other you’re in like with them ONLY on valenhallmarktine’s day?), check out all these other toddland moustached bounties. click here and here, but definitely not here.

this iPhone app (which is only 99 cents – the price of anything in a 99 cent store) is like the classic game memory where you have to match like tiles. but here’s the part you better be sitting down for:

MATCH ALL THE TILES AND GET A 15% OFF CODE FOR THE TODDLAND ONLINE STORE!

ooooh snap, crackle, pop.com! this ain’t your momma’s iPhone app! download it today, play it tomorrow, and buy toddland bounties tomorrow’s tomorrow.

thanks to everyone over at holiday matinee for letting toddland tag along with you swell pals. until mars, holiday matinee. until mars.